Not Wonder-ful
by chemiglee
Summary: Reaction fic to Wonder-ful, 4.21. My take on why Tina's so bitter. Poor girl! Drabble, one-shot. COMPLETE.


Tina meets her first ex in second grade.

He's a cute boy named Isaac. He has light brown hair, just dying for a haircut, and freckles, and a button nose, and a tiny pair of golden-rimmed glasses. He pushes them up over the bridge of his nose with a single finger. His mom irons his khakis for him, so he comes to school with those sharp pleats and it makes him look so dressed up.

Getting a boyfriend in second grade is easy. She trades him a chocolate pudding cup - that's like gold around these parts - for a little baggie of baby carrots, and the deal is sealed. Most girls wouldn't trade chocolate pudding, and Tina knows it's hard to give up. She loves its silkiness on her tongue, and it stays cold until lunchtime, because she's got one of those insulated lunch bags. Her mom will always buy more for her, though. The grocery store always manages to have thousands of chocolate pudding cups. You can't buy more of Isaac, though. He's just the right type for her. He's sweet and he says he loves her in that shy, shy way and he listens to her sing and he says she's the best singer in the whole world. She curtseys to him, because that's what you do on stage; you appreciate your audience, you thank them for seeing you dance.

When she holds his hand at first, it feels weird; soft and chubby and round. It's like holding a girl's hand, actually. Tina finds she gets far too conscious of the fact that it's a boy's hand instead. It's got an alien, 'other' feeling. She gets uncomfortable at that thought, the first time they hold hands, so to hide her sudden shyness, she ducks her head - she's taller than he is - and kisses him instead.

It's a light butterfly kiss on the lips, but Isaac blushes furiously at her. Tina decides to count it as her first success in love. She thinks about their future puppy, Jerry the German Shepherd, and their pretty little house in the suburbs, and how she'll line the mantelpiece with her Tony awards and he'll do - what it is, Tina's not sure, but it'll be something that will also make him happy.

The next week, she catches Isaac and Sally James red-handed at recess with traded Oreos and stickily clasped fingers. Tina's first great romance is over. She dumps Isaac and stomps off with her new pudding cup and her broken heart.

Eleven years later, she's sitting in the choir room with her ambitions of a singing career smashed (no solos, no recognition, a Blaine too preoccupied with Kurt to soothe her wounded diva ambitions), no word from any of the performing arts schools she'd applied hopefully to, and a damning-with-faint-praise wait-list letter for vet school. She doesn't even know if she'll like handling animals day in and day out.

And the cherry on top of this shit sundae is an ex-boyfriend who won't even look at her despite all they've been through - the ex-boyfriend who seems a little too close to Mercedes for her comfort, the ex-boyfriend she single-handedly got admitted into Joffrey. She hates herself for being so insensitive and bitchy to Kurt, especially considering what he and his family are going through, but she's frustrated and angry and it really seems like the world wants to keep her down and she's _pissed as hell_. She's supposed to be a performer. It's simple, just like second grade love is simple.

She wonders what Isaac's doing right now. She wonders why love can't be simple like it was in second grade - why nothing is simple anymore - why achieving your dreams isn't as simple as it looks from the outside. Why she seems to be the only one in Glee who won't be doing the desire of her heart. She doesn't mind some struggle - but - _but_

She decides that… just in case, she'll look at that vet school again. And she'll look into doing more volunteer work at the Lima animal shelter… just in case life decides it's going to keep on being complicated. Her parents sigh a little bit in relief, because you can't be sure anymore, and it's nice to have a backup plan, even though their daughter sings like an angel and dances like joy lives in her footsteps. But it's a Good Thing that Tina is good at science, too.

(Tina doesn't tell anyone that a little bit of her soul dies every time she thinks about vet school, during the days after their Stevie Wonder love-fest, and she hates herself for it, too, even more.)


End file.
